No Rules No Shame

June 30, 2010

Work of Art Episode IV : Attack of the Groans

Filed under: Workofart — corona @ 23:55

Milana is off somewhere in Germany, so I’m afraid the reader is stuck with me this week. Appropriately, Ms. Braslavsky is probably walking down the streets where some of the most horrendous crimes against humanity have been committed, a SHOCKING reminder of what evils human beings are capable of. And here we are, just when we thought there was hope for mankind, Simon de Pury reveals the source of his first erection…all in the assumed safety of our living rooms. (P.S. It was Rodin, but I’m pretty sure he was just too embarrassed to say it was the lady skunk in the Pepe le Pew cartoons)

Tonight’s episode was all about SHOCK art. And let me tell you, it was a Shock and Awe-ful episode at best. Get it? Shock and awe…shock and awful. Believe me, that joke was a million times better than the work on display. As a tribute to tonight’s theme, I will attempt to use the word “shock” a shocking number of times throughout this shocking review. Here goes:

I think the most shocking aspect of tonight’s show was the lack of discussion about what the viewer would find shocking in relation to what shocking artwork has already been produced. Sure, we had Andres Serrano (in a shockingly tight leather outfit) explaining what he’s done to make his work shocking, but I can’t help but feel like a real opportunity was missed tonight. I was really hoping he would have had to bend over and then…Oops! Split leather pants! But no, instead all we got were the list of cliche materials that provide “shock” value : menstrual blood, urine, semen, tofu. Have you ever had someone try to offer you tofu in place of meat? Are you freakin’ kidding me?! Unless it’s dipped in animal fat and/or blood, keep it to yourself, FAGS!* By the way, did anyone else notice that Andres Serrano looks like the love child of David Lynch and Jim Jarmusch, after a drunken night in Tegucigalpa?

*use of the word Fag is meant to highlight the ignorance of those who actually use the term in a derogatory manner. Such a joke is used only to mock the retards* who use it regularly. (Plus, it’s shocking)

*use of the word retard is meant to highlight the ignorance of those who actually use the term in a derogatory manner. Such a joke is used only to mock the Bostonians who use it regularly. (Kinda shocking?)

My favorite Serrano. The ham kind.

As was expected, a majority of the cast interpreted shock as associated with sexual acts. Someone needs to read Freud, and by someone, I mean all of them. None of these things were shocking in the least! Penises are gross, we can all agree, and so is fellatio, and boobs, and vaginas, and body hair and especially conjoined twins (by the way, Abdi really needs to spend some time watching TLC so he can familiarize himself with the two headed girl, the spider baby, and my favorite – the country singing sisterhead)…but none of these things are shocking! I mean, clearly the most shocking things in life are when people like Jackie are given a pass over and over again despite any originality, clear intentions, or insightful social commentary!

The most shocking thing about this episode is that I found myself defending Nao as someone who actually put herself out there, covered in Utrecht bags, only to have her eliminated. I feel for the woman, because we all know if she had been topless and a size 2, she’d have that show at the Brooklyn Museum in no time! Fake excrement and all!

The highlights of tonight’s episode:

John spells fellatio wrong

Miles stresses out about the coffee maker breaking

Jackie takes of her shirt. Jackie walks around shirtless. Jackie takes off her pants. Jackie walks around with no pants on.

Brian (my husband) does Simon impressions every time he’s on screen. They’re usually overtly sexual and completely disgusting. He really should win for most shocking.

Nao comically rubs herself

Eric mentions his lack of formal training 476 times.

China Chow points to not 1 penis, not 2, but 3!

Abdi feigns ignorance about Piss Christ. No idea it was piss, even though it’s in THE TITLE!

TWO artists are eliminated (there are only so many episodes in a season, folks)

One question? Why didn’t anyone make a video of Theresa from Real Housewives of New Jersey flipping the table and shouting, PROSTITUTION WHORE, over and over again?! And why isn’t Andy Cohen inviting Nao as a guest on Watch What Happens? I want her to rip Jackie a new one after chugging a gallon of Maker’s Mark.

All in all, I have to say, it was a great night. But before I go, I’d like to offer up a challenge: Jackie was praised for Eric’s idea to allow the viewer to write comments all over her naked self-portraits. I’d like to know what you would have written if given the chance! Some comment fun?! Make sure they’re SHOCKING!!!! (I’ll be expecting more than one C-word, hopefully in the same sentence.)


1 Comment »

  1. oh, that show is so depressing!

    Comment by jesse — July 2, 2010 @ 10:41

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