Things I missed while being away: ketchup, diet coke, air conditioning, and Work of Art. Things I did not miss while being away: driving, genetically modified fruits and vegetables, the sense that something is about to go horribly wrong, and Work of Art.
Tonight’s episode was nothing. A sting of a bug bite, a cool embrace from an acquaintance, a static shock, the calm before the storm. Next week shit goes down, and I can’t wait to see it. Next week there is a fight on a couch, and mean things are spouted out loud instead of in confessional. The lack of personal space and constant waves pulsing through the air has taken their toll. You can see Jackie telling Eric he doesn’t deserve to be on a show as praised in the media and by viewers as this one, and you can see Eric (disoriented and missing big patches of his memories from the constant falls off of motorcycles) lash out at the know-it-alls around him.
I snoozed the whole episode, and not just because of jet lag. Apparently Miles and Nicole have some kind of mutual I’m-a-very-pretty-person understanding, and everyone else hates each other (except for Abdi, he would never!). Peregrine hates Mark’s painting, and Mark hates puns, Jackie hates clothes and men who look through store windows.
The only thing that made the episode even remotely watchable was my newly emerging crush on Seeeemoahn. His sly allusion to sex was surprising and hilarious. I’m still trying to figure out whether his preference is for baguettes or brioches (if you get my drift).
The challenge today was to create an artwork while discussing the merits of Audi automobiles. This is sad, because there is no way artists can afford anything even resembling the cars in that showroom… wouldn’t a challenge sponsored by foodstamps be more appropriate?
Miles made a calming (but ultimately boring- sorry Miles! you are still the fairest of them all!) altar, Nicole made a lovely but overlooked paper sculpture, Erik made a portrait of his girlfriend when they were in high school and were in love and were totally going to get married until she dumped him for Chuck Hoofler, who had a Corvette and spent a night in juvie, and brought it in for the critique, Abdi told everyone they were great, Jamie Lynn’s God has nothing better to do than to put her on teevee, Mark painterbated (was this something Richard Phillips said? Oh, Richard, you were the such a fantastic choice to laud Jackie on her reclamation of power. You are a beacon of feminist support- at the very least, you provide a helping hand.) Peregrine made a lot of silly puns on the Audi name, which I enjoyed and almost lol’d at.
I almost forgot! There were many guests on the show tonight! John Baldessari popped in for a bit, and Elizabeth Peyton stayed long enough for afternoon tea and scones. Piet Mondrian was invited over, but he had prior obligations of turning over in his grave.
Why isn’t anyone cutting a picture of a happy household into their backs?
Jackie won tonight’s challenge, and wore her largest dress to allow for the celebratory feast planned for later in the night, when she was going to devour Nicole’s youth and vibrancy. Is this a first win by a woman on the show? (I mean, besides being born in a wealthy family, Jeanne)
I know it’s shit, but I like this show. I’m going to miss it when it gets canned like Miami Social, NYC Prep, and hopefully the real estate show- screw those guys.
Seriously, next week, it’s on. I can’t wait.
Best tweets from Lissa and Brian:
-Ironically, China Chow is Beijing’s most popular drive thru (bike thru)
-All those ugly men looking at me. It’s so gross. Mostly because I’m hot, and they’re hideous…oops! My shirt fell off! – Jackie
-Disappointed that Mark hasn’t used his boobs in his work like Jaclyn…
-What the fuck is car dancing? Like the White Snake video??
-Miles naps again! He’s like Rip Van Penis Wrinkle.